We’ve all heard of OCD but what is it and how has living with this condition affected your life?
So OCD is a disorder in which a person experiences uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts/obsessions and engages in repetitive behaviours - compulsions. I can remember becoming aware of these behaviours at the age of 9. It was at this time that a lot of very serious health issues with close family members occurred.
I just remember being worried, nervous and anxious all the time. I was a shy kid, I didn’t know how to deal with it and withdrew into my imaginary world. I look back now and think that this was the start of everything... but it was also the time when I discovered art.
How did you learn to deal with OCD?
Back then there was no such term. So through my teenage years, I remember becoming very insular, feeling very isolated. I was mentally bullied at school which led to more anxiety, but also depression. It wasn’t until I was at Uni that things started to change. This was the 90’s, the height of Brit Pop. I met three great friends, we had a blast for three years. It felt like a clean slate, life was going well. I was preparing my artwork for the final year of my Graphic Design degree. I’d met my future wife, and things were amazing. But life isn’t always plain sailing and my next challenge was just around the corner - cancer.
How did you discover you had cancer, and what form did you have?
I remember feeling a ‘gritty’ lump in my testicle. After a few weeks, I got over my embarrassment and saw a Doctor. Initially, it was a ‘water infection’, so I decided to leave it a bit longer. The doctor at the time probably saved my life, he called me and ordered me to the hospital.
I chuckle about the next bit. So I had to go for an ultrasound - on my bollock! The nurse didn’t see the funny side, because I’d left it too long, and this was now serious. The cancer had spread into lymph nodes in my abdomen, chest and up to my neck. I then began a long road of chemotherapy treatment, followed by more surgery, (abdominal and then later chest surgery).
I want to say at this point that time was critical! If you notice changes or feel a lump get it checked. I felt embarrassed to say I had testicular cancer or even go to the doctor at first but now I know that talking and acting saves lives.
How was life after cancer?
It will always be in the back of your mind, but we were teenage parents and just had to crack on. But it’s great, we got married, made a home and had more kids through IVF. My anxieties and worries continued though. Living with OCD / depression impacts your life in so many ways, it can be just exhausting.
Have you found any strategies to help you with your mental health?
Strategies I have found can exacerbate the problem. Many aspects of your life are impacted. Up until recently, I was working in a very toxic environment and my mental health suffered greatly. After nearly a decade working there I just couldn’t do it any longer, they had created a negative narrative that was on a constant loop in my head... So I quit.
I’m learning to look after myself. I love art and music and this helps my mental health. I’m still getting support from my doctors for my OCD and depression and I am currently having CBT to re-write that toxic-negative loop.
I hope that someone reading this, who suffers similar issues, may realise they are not alone and that reaching out to talk to people can help. If people understand more about mental health or have been diagnosed with cancer, then hopefully they can take heart from hearing my story and know that there is hope. I love my family and value their support tremendously. I regard myself as very empathetic, I care - a lot, but that also brings challenges.
I am deeply humbled to share my journey and take pride in my accomplishments. I remain committed to embracing life’s ebbs and flows, as Bruce Lee said: “Be water, my friend.”
